Category: Parenting

Author:  Beth Zanotelli, Family Life Coordinator for the Diocese of Palm Beach

When we make the Sign of the Cross, we pray, “In the name of the Father”, so we begin this prayer with the Father.  God, our Father!  He is the beginning, our beginning, He is our Creator.   God the Father is our true source of strength, and God is Love.  He hears our prayers and knows our joys and our sorrows.  There is nothing that can compare to God’s great love! Most important, there is nothing that can separate us from God’s great love – nothing.

When we pray the prayer that Jesus taught us, again we begin with “Our Father who art in heaven. We give him the praise that is due when we pray, “Hallowed be thy name”. He should be our most important relationship, and we revere Him with the utmost love and loyalty.    

So, how do we learn about God’s great love?  How do we know the love of the Father?  How do we appreciate the gift of our life, given by God the Father?  One, very important way that we first come to know the love of our heavenly Father….is through our earthly father.  The gift of fatherhood is such a special role and so often overlooked.  Our Heavenly Father loves us, so too our earthly dads love us giving us a glimpse of the Father’s great love for us!  Earthly dads can be our biological dads or sometimes we have “father-figures” who are our spiritual dads.  These great men have a special role to play in their children’s lives.  Our earthly fathers are called to sacrifice for us, to teach us, and to bear witness to the faith.  They point us to our heavenly Father.  If our families could be seen as a team, dads would be the most beloved coach of our family team.

The role of fatherhood is daunting and is filled with many joys, sacrifices, and trials.  We know our earthly father can only give us a glimpse of God.  Our dads are human, and they need a Savior, just like us.   Often our earthly dads need to learn how to love rightly.  They may not understand how to love as the Father has loved us.  

Pray for fathers! Pray that they find healing from any brokenness. Pray that they can inspire their children; pray that they can forgive like God the Father; pray that they can be supportive and understanding.  Pray for fathers to always be concerned for others, especially the members of their family so they can be a witness of the strength and love of God, our heavenly Father.  Pray for fathers that they can love their heavenly Father, their wives and in turn their children with Christ-like love.  Take the time to say, “thank you and I love you”.  Thank them for their sacrifices, for teaching us, and for giving us a glimpse of God the Father’s love. 

 Here’s what the scriptures have to say:

John 3:16 – For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life.

1 John 4:8-10 – Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love.  In this way the love of God was revealed to us:  God sent his only Son into the world so that we might have life through him.

Deuteronomy 4:29 – Yet there too you shall seek the Lord, your God; and you shall indeed find him when you search after him with your whole heart and your whole soul.  In your distress, when all these things shall have come upon you, you shall finally return to the Lord, your God and heed his voice.  Since the Lord, your God is a merciful God, he will not abandon and destroy you, nor forget the covenant which under oath he made with your fathers.

 John 13:34-35 – I give you a new commandment:  love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another.  This is how all will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another.

A wise priest recently spoke about parenting in his homily.  He said, “When your kids do something wrong rather than asking them, ‘What were you thinking?’…ask them, ‘What did you expect would happen?’”.  It is a great question that can help all of us learn from our mistakes.  This question causes us to intentionally think about our actions, something we could all benefit from!  This question makes a case for being intentional and thinking before we act. Perhaps we would make fewer poor choices if we paused to think about the outcome of our actions more often and before we acted. It is important to consider that the outcome of our actions most often affects someone else’s life.  Think about selfish actions like gossip, being judgmental, even speeding; on the positive side, think about giving a gift, saying something kind, offering help, or stopping when the light turns yellow.  Each of these actions affects another person. Perhaps we should think of others more than we think of ourselves!  Being more intentional in our actions, making ourselves a gift to others, thinking before we act and speak.  All these things seem simple enough!

How can we be more intentional?  At the beginning of the day, wake up thinking of the actions that will glorify God.  We can offer our day to the Lord by saying, “This day is Yours, God – I give it to you!” We can think of ways to sacrifice for others, instead of ways to personally gain. We can ask ourselves, “What do I expect will happen?”

At the end of the day, we can do an examination of conscience.  We can take time to think about the things that happened during the day; Ask ourselves if we thought before we acted; Ask ourselves how we impacted the life of another; ask ourselves if things turned out the way we expected…would God be glorified by our actions? 

“What did we expect would happen?”, makes a great question for an examination of conscience before the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  What did we think would happen if we were lazy and didn’t go to mass?  What did we expect to happen when we judged someone by how they looked, or what they did?  What did we expect to happen when we gossiped?  What did we expect would happen when we ignored someone or cast them aside because we were too busy? What did we expect to happen when _______? Fill in the blanks.

Here’s what the scriptures have to say:

Ephesians 5:15-17 – Watch carefully then how you live, not as foolish persons but as wise, making the most of the opportunity, because the days are evil.  Therefore, do not continue in ignorance, but try to understand what is the will of the Lord.

1 Corinthians 10:31 – So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God.

John 15:13 – No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

Hebrews 10:24-25 – We must consider how to rouse one another to love and good works.  We should not stay away from our assembly, as is the custom of some, but encourage one another, and this all the more as you see the day drawing near.

Philippians 3:13-14 – Brothers, I for my part do not consider myself to have taken possession.  Just one thing:  forgetting what lies behind but straining forward to what lies ahead, I continue my pursuit toward the goal, the prize of God’s upward calling, in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 4:32 – And be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ.

The Collect for mass a few days ago said, “Show gracious favor, O Lord, we pray, to the works of penance we have begun, that we may have the strength to accomplish with sincerity the bodily observances we undertake.” We are in the first week of Lent and many, if not most of us have made some kind of commitment to fast, pray and give alms. Each of us has the best of intentions, however, we easily get distracted, especially from new undertakings.  Some might call this the “squirrel effect”.  We can be focused on one thing and then something else catches our attention, and “squirrel” we are off doing something completely different.  How many times have we gone to do something, and then accomplished five other things but not the thing we originally set out to do?  Probably several times each day!

Whether it is the season of Lent or any other time, it is important to try to rid ourselves of the vices in our lives and to build virtuous habits.  Along the way, there are distractions that keep us from fully reaching our goal.  Each day we need to wake up and be reminded of what our good intentions are for the day and pray “for the strength to accomplish with sincerity the bodily observances we undertake.”  When we attempt to avoid distractions, we need to have a plan, we need strength for the journey!  First, we must remember each day what we want to accomplish or avoid, and second, we need to keep the manner, or sincerity of the fast that God desires us to have.  The first thoughts or words we have in the morning could be, “Good Morning, Lord, please help me keep my promises today!” or “Today, help me be faithful”.  Beyond remembering our acts of penance for Lent, what is the manner we are making them happen?  The prophet Isaiah asks “Is this the manner of fasting I wish, of keeping a day of penance?” (Isaiah 58:5) For many of us, this is quite a huge undertaking…remember the task and do it in a manner worthy of God.  The truth of the Word of God exists to help us. Take time to pray with His Word. Avoid the Squirrels and focus on what matters!  Here’s some strength for the journey:

• Pray for the ability to focus, not on ourselves, but rather to make a gift of our lives. (1Peter4:10)
• Help us to learn to always seek to do His will, not our own. (Matthew 6:33)
• Make love the rule, in all relationships (even our relationship with ourselves) disregard self-interest and always think of others. (Philippians 2:4)
• Prefer the good of others to our own. (Colossians 1: 9-12)

Here’s what the Scriptures have to say:

1 Peter 4:10 – As each one has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God’s varied grace.

Matthew 6:33 – But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides.

Philippians 2:3-4  – Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves, each looking out not for his own interests, but also everyone for those of others.

Colossians 1:9-12 – Therefore, from the day we heard this, we do not cease praying for you and asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding to live in a manner worthy of the Lord, so as to be fully pleasing, in every good work bearing fruit and growing in the knowledge of God, strengthened with every power, in accord with his glorious might, for all endurance and patience, with joy giving thanks to the Father, who has made you fit to share in the inheritance of the holy ones in light.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 begins with a list of characteristics describing love.  Love is patient, kind, not jealous, not pompous, not inflated, not rude.  The passage goes on to include that love does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, and doesn’t brood over injury. There is so much here, but to be clear, the opposite of brooding over injuries is forgiving those who offend us right away and from the heart. The list is not finished because 1 Corinthians continues by telling us that Love does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, which means it is willing to carry our load and sacrifice for each of us. To Love is to will the good of others.  Love believes, hopes, and endures.  Finally, Love never fails.  What a beautiful description of God’s authentic love for His children.

God’s authentic love is far beyond what most of us are used to giving and receiving from one another. God loves us so much that he calls us to something greater.  He welcomes us with open arms when we mess up and His love includes mercy and compassion. Even though we often fall short, we should not hesitate to ask Him for more than we feel worthy of receiving.  In Matthew 8:8 the Centurion says, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof; only say the word and my servant will be healed.”  These are the same words we recite before receiving Him in the Eucharist.  All He has to do is say a word and we are healed, forgiven, and made whole. We receive His grace as we receive Him;   With His grace we can authentically love one another. 

Keep God as the focus of everything in your life, receive Him in the Eucharist and you will receive His grace, be healed, forgiven, and made whole because – God is Love!

Here’s what the Scriptures have to say:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 – Love is patient, love is kind.  It is not jealous, is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.  It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things endures all things.  Love never fails…

1 John 4:7-8 – Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God.  Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love.

John 13:34-35 – I give you a new commandment:  love one another.  As I have loved you, so you also should love one another.  This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

You know you need to do something, but you are suddenly distracted. Through your senses, the ordinary things of life can be a distraction; a sound, a smell, light/darkness, something touches you.  And what about your own thoughts?  Especially the daily news? How many times do you have a thought one moment and a second later you can’t remember the thought…something distracted you.

Just like in daily life, there are distractions that can keep you from the Lord; you try to pray but cannot focus, you are physically at Mass but mentally distracted by something that happened on the way to church.   Hebrews, chapter 12, reminds you to “rid yourself of every burden and sin that clings to you and persevere in running the race that lies before you while keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of faith.”  When distracted by the ordinary things of life, or from personal failures or misgivings, you can lose your gaze on the Lord. Your vision becomes blurred, and you can become more attentive to things of this the world rather than the God who loves you.

KEEP YOUR EYES FIXED ON THE LORD!

Saint Peter is a great example of someone who regularly experiences “blurred vision”.  In his profession as fisherman, he must catch fish to make money to feed his family.  In one gospel narrative his discouragement is apparent when he comes up empty handed and tired after many hours of fishing.  Jesus asks him to “lower his nets”. This is the moment he needs to trust Jesus! (Luke 5:4-5).  But Peter, like many of us, is distracted, frustrated, with doubts about things happening in the world. 

In another gospel narrative, when Peter and the apostles are in a storm, Jesus commands Peter to walk on the water. (Matthew 14:22-33) Peter begins with trust in his friend, but soon after he steps from the boat he becomes distracted by fear.  His vision is again blurred. 

But here is the beauty of God’s patience and mercy for us.  When Peter is afraid and at his lowest, he meets the gaze of Jesus!  In both stories Jesus responds in kindness.  In Luke’s Gospel: “Peter, do not be afraid…”, and in Matthew’s Gospel: “Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him…”. 

HE WANTS YOU TO TAKE HIS HAND!!

How beautiful is the gaze of Jesus. There is great tenderness in His eyes!  Pope Francis says, “Brothers and sisters, let us never lose trust in the patience and mercy of God!”  Listen and find courage in these words spoken so many times in scripture – “Be not Afraid”. When your vision seems blurred, when you have a sleepless night, or when you are caught up in the “stuff” happening in your life, take courage!  Do not let these distractions rob you of HIS peace. Put on your safety goggles to protect you from blurred vision and “keep your eyes fixed on Jesus”!  Be hopeful, have faith…follow Him.

Here’s what the scriptures have to say:

Hebrews 12:1-2 – Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of faith.

Luke 5:10-11 – Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.  When they brought their boats on shore, they left everything and followed him.

1 Peter 3:13-22 – Now who is going to harm you if you are enthusiastic for what is good?  But even if you should suffer because of righteousness, blessed are you.  Do not be afraid or terrified with fear of them but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts.  Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope but do it with gentleness and reverence keeping your conscience clear, so that when you are maligned, those who defame your good conduct in Christ may themselves be put to shame.  For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that be the will of God, than for doing evil.

John 14:27 – Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give it to you.  Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.

St. Teresa of Calcutta also known as Mother Teresa said, “Prayer is not asking. Prayer is putting oneself in the hands of God, at His disposition, and listening to His voice in the depth of our hearts.”  These words are a great way to understand and realize the importance of having a spiritual life.  To put yourself in the hands of God…is to surrender your will to His. We need to say, “not my will, Lord, but yours be done.” Often our prayer life is full of whining and complaining, and of a laundry list of needs. Instead of asking, which we need to do, Mother Teresa invites us to listen to His voice in the depth of our hearts.

This seems like an easy task when Mother Teresa says it…she is a consecrated woman, who spent her life in prayer and service to others.  What about the person who has fallen away from the Lord, or struggles to know God?  How do we connect with God amid all the chaos and confusion of the world?  How do we listen to the Truth in our hearts and renounce the lies the world tells us?

Mother Teresa gives us more wisdom when she says, “We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature—trees, flowers, grass—grows in silence; see the stars, the moon, and the sun, how they move in silence. We need silence to be able to touch souls.”  If God is a friend of silence, imagine his reaction to today’s noisy world.  It is difficult to find a moment without technology buzzing, blinking, or pinging.  How many conversations do we have each day that are interrupted by technology?  God wants us to “grow in silence” or perhaps to be silent so we can grow! 

It has been written about Mother Teresa that the first thing she did everyday was to say, “Good Morning, Jesus”.    She would say this before she got out of bed, maybe even before she opened her eyes. It seems like a simple beginning to a new day and a simple beginning to a spiritual life.  By saying “Good morning, Jesus”, you acknowledge the relationship that matters the most! Try saying, “Good morning, Jesus” out loud before you get out of bed.  Try it for 10 days, after 10 days check and see if your prayer life has increased.  Check and see if you have a closer relationship with God, and then keep saying it for another 10 days.  Build new habits and good habits for the rest of your life by starting simple and doing things that are natural.

Here’s what Scripture has to say:

Matthew 6:6-8 – …when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret.  And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.  In praying, do not babble like the pagans, who think that they will be heard because of their many words.  Do not be like them.  Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 – Rejoice always.  Pray without ceasing.  In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8: 26-28 – In the same way, the Spirit too comes to the aid of our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit itself intercedes with inexpressible groanings.  And the one who searches hearts knows what is the intention of the Spirit, because it intercedes for the holy ones according to God’s will.

1 Kings 19:11-12 – Then the Lord said, “Go outside and stand on the mountain before the Lord; the Lord will be passing by.”  A strong and heavy wind was rending the mountains and crushing rocks before the Lord – but the Lord was not in the wind.  After the wind there was an earthquake – but the Lord was not in the earthquake.  After the earthquake there was fire – but the Lord was not in the fire.  After the fire there was a tiny whispering sound.

Author: Beth Zanotelli, Family Life Coordinator for the Diocese of Palm Beach

Have you ever heard of Milk Weed?  It’s the plant that monarch butterflies eat.  You can buy it at almost any plant store. You place it in the ground and miraculously within a few weeks you can witness an amazing transformation of caterpillar to chrysalis to butterfly.  The life cycle of a butterfly is one of the many beautiful things God created.  The butterfly lifecycle has lessons and symbolism that each of us can draw from.  Silly though it may seem, this transformation is like the work of Jesus. The most obvious similarity is Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection.  On Easter Sunday, the glory and beauty of the Resurrected Christ emerges from the tomb. There are no direct references to butterflies in the Bible, but did you ever ponder the new creation God desires from you each day? What if you allow Him to transform your life?

An early stage of the butterfly life cycle is the caterpillar, creeping, and eating.  This creature transforms completely into a beautiful flying insect.  It is completely changed in appearance and in the way it gets from one place to another.  The caterpillar goes from crawling and transforms into a butterfly that flies!  In Romans 12:1-2, St. Paul urges “by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship.  Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.”  When you seek to do God’s will, letting go of earthly pleasures and allowing your life to be a sacrifice for others, God transforms you.  If you allow this transformation, you will put on the newness of life.  You will see the life that God desires for you. 

Another similarity to the life cycle of a butterfly is its nourishment.  The caterpillar feeds on a weed.  In the end, it has eaten the entire plant, growing huge by feasting, but it still longs for more.  After the caterpillar transforms into a butterfly, there is a new feast.  Now the butterfly feasts on the sweet nectar of flowers.  When the Lord is allowed to enter and transform your heart, to create anew, you will long for the sweetness of eternal life with Him, the salvation of heaven!  “So, whoever is in Christ is a new creation:  the old things have passed away:  behold, new things have come!”  Corinthians 5:17.

Come to the banquet God has prepared for you!  Feast on the Eucharist, the Living Bread of Life!   Allow the Body of Christ to transform you from within.  Seek forgiveness and healing.  When you reconcile with others you reconcile with the Lord.  As you continually die to sin you will be united with Christ in His life, death, and resurrection so you can join Him in Eternal Glory. 

Here’s what Scripture has to say:

2 Corinthians 3:18 – All of us, gazing with unveiled face on the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, as from the Lord who is the Spirit.

Romans 6:4 – We were indeed buried with him through baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might live in newness of life.

Acts 2:38 – Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and you will receive the gift of the holy Spirit.”

As we journey closer to Easter, many people are preparing to enter the Catholic Church at the Easter Vigil.  They are preparing to receive the Sacraments of Initiation beginning with Baptism.  As with infants and children who are baptized, we the faithful, are called to accompany each other and especially our children who are newly baptized.  We are called to welcome them into the fullness of our parish communities.  It is the faithful who are to help them to know and understand the commission passed on to them at their baptism and to gradually shift themselves from, simply being the receivers to becoming joyful givers and doers!    We are called to help each other become the person God created us to be. 

In St. John Paul II’s Gaudium et Spes, he reminds us that the Church teaches, that we are most fully human when we give ourselves to others and when we receive from others (Gaudium et Spes 24:3).  In the Theology of the Body, we learn that God gave us bodies so that we can understand ourselves more deeply.  Our bodies teach us truth.  Our bodies can give us warning signs. Perhaps we need more sleep or need to drink more water.  It is important that we respond in a right way from the start.  We need to practice patience and learn self-mastery from a young age to guide us as we mature and grow.

When we live our lives as a gift, that is, when we sacrifice for others and live as we were created by God, we are most fully human. When we live as we are created, male and female, we learn how to live a life that fulfills God’s purpose for us – we will be happy and fulfilled.  When God created us, he made us male and female, in His image and likeness.  God created us in His image of love. God’s creation of man and woman is very good! Today let us live God’s plan, let us restore what is broken, and let us find out the truth about who we are and what we are called to be, people who receive and give love through our bodies and our bodily actions!  Let us be most fully human.

Here’s what the scriptures have to say…

Ephesians 2:10 – For we are His handiwork, created in Christ Jesus for the good works that God has prepared in advance, that we should live in them.

Wisdom 13:5 – For from the greatness and the beauty of created things their original author, by analogy, is seen.

1 Peter 3:3-4 – Your adornment should not be an external one:  braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or dressing in fine clothes, but rather the hidden character of the heart, expressed in the imperishable beauty of gently and calm disposition, which is precious in the sight of God.