Parenting – Page 4 – Joy of the Family

Have You Lost Your Wonder?

Author: Beth Zanotelli, Diocese of Palm Beach Coordinator of Family Life

Recently someone reminded me of the process that occurs when we use the internet. I am neither a tech savvy person nor a tech ignorant person, I am probably somewhere in between. In my words: Internet makes the Web possible; it is a huge network of computers which communicate together, many call it an “information superhighway”. So, when we want to watch a funny cat video, or answer important questions like “what sound does a cardinal make” or “who was the lead singer of the Foundations”, you type your question, and that question enters the information superhighway. This superhighway includes a trip to space where it bounces off a satellite comes all the way back to earth and communicates with a network of computers, probably bounces off another satellite in a different part of outer space and then the information finds its way back to your computer. It is quite amazing when you think about it. Yet, as I was reminded, how many times do you get upset that your internet is too slow? Have you ever sat back and thought about the amazing process that happens each time you hit enter? I was also reminded of a time when we had to research or ask other people about our questions. Sometimes when we ask someone a question, a conversation begins and if you are fortunate this conversation will lead to a lasting friendship or a great discovery. There was a time when we looked in books or went outside to observe and listen, we talked to other people and continued to ask the questions until we found an answer. Sometimes it took a long time, but it allowed us to wonder, what is the answer? We learned how to search for knowledge and information, and we discovered amazing things.

We are living in a fast-paced world. We expect things to happen immediately, and we get upset when they do not. Many of us cannot even wait in a line anymore. We have forgotten what Wonder is! Take a moment to look around you, pause from the information superhighway and physically survey all the amazing things you come across in a day. Use your senses! God created the world, and it is filled with so much more than we take the time to see, hear, taste, touch, and smell. Have you ever been driving, when the sun is rising, and it gets in your eyes? Do you take time to stop and see the beauty of the sunrise, or do you complain about its brightness? God created that amazing light and it gives us warmth, colors, and life. The person next to you could be making you happy, sad, angry, or just sitting there. God created that person to be unique, unrepeatable! God created each of us in His divine image, male and female He created us. Embrace the thought that God loves you so much that even before you were born, he was in love with you! Embrace the beauty in your masculinity or femininity and that God created you perfect! We have been inside too long; we have been fixated on our phones and computers too often. Praise God by going outside and looking at the beauty of all creation! Thank God for each day and for all the goodness that surrounds us!

Here is what the scriptures have to say…

Luke 5:26 Then astonishment seized them all and they glorified God, and struck with awe, they said, “We have seen incredible things today.”

Psalm 96:11-12 Let the heavens be glad and the earth rejoice; let the sea and what fills it resound; let the plains be joyful and all that is in them. Then let all the trees of the forest rejoice before the Lord who comes…!

Catechism of the Catholic Church 1299 At the Sacrament of Confirmation – In the Roman Rite the bishop extends his hands over the whole group of the confirmands. Since the time of the apostles this gesture has signified the gift of the Spirit. The bishop invokes the outpouring of the Spirit in these words: All powerful God, Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, by water and the Holy Spirit you freed your sons and daughters from sin and gave them new life. Send your Holy Spirit upon them to be their help and guide. Give them the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of right judgment and courage, the spirit of knowledge and reverence. Fill them with the spirit of wonder and awe in your presence. We ask this through Christ our Lord.

Matthew 6:25-29 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your lifespan? Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wildflowers grow. They do not work or spin. But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ Or ‘What are we to wear?’ All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.

A Yoked Marriage!

In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” The word “yoke”, used many times in scripture, is a wooden beam that is fitted around oxen necks to equip and empower them to carry loads and do the work they need to do on their farm. There are two holes or spaces for each ox to put its neck and somewhere in the middle is a bar or rope for the farmer who oversees directing them to accomplish their task. Keep this image in mind as you read on…

We are not called to be perfect; we are called to be holy. How do we pass this message to our families? What does holiness look like?

The first thing to reflect on when asking these questions is how do you as husband and wife, live your faith together? The Gospel of Matthew is telling us that we are to be “yoked” with the Father. In marriage, we have the image of the husband and wife being yoked together with God as the couple’s guide. That is, the couple helps each other, and works together with the guidance of the Father. A spouse is never to manipulate or control, rather, a spouse is to be as a gift to the other. With the yoke, God gives them the graces to persevere. Together they are to be a gift to the Lord asking, how can I be loved by you, Lord? God is loving us by directing us away from harm and giving us order and especially, letting us rest. Like the relationship of the oxen and the farmer, when a man and a woman are married, they invite God into their relationship to guide them. If God is not in their relationship it can unravel into conflict and defiance. On the contrary, with Him, it can be beautiful, calm, loving, peaceful, and accepting. This is an image of marriage we need to pass on to our children, to model this love just as God has modeled for us. In our Catholic faith, marriage is a Sacramental union of a man, a woman, and God. Marriage is the foundation of the family, the domestic church.

God uses His Word like a yoke to guide us. In Ephesians 6:4, God provides us with parenting instructions: “Fathers (parents), do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord.” It is our job as parents to present knowledge, opportunities, and encounters so that our children can see the beauty that comes from life with Christ. Your children are not yoked in your marriage with you, but they are watching to see how you follow Him. Finally, but perhaps the most important advice comes from Ephesians 6:18 – “With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit.” Take time to pray with your spouse and especially with your family, in the morning offer your day to God, at meals pray a blessing over your food and your family, when you drop them off at school (virtual or in person) pray for a good day, at bedtime a prayer of thanksgiving for the trials and blessings of the day. Consider praying a rosary, once a week as a family. Look to God with awe and wonder; you may be burdened today, but taking God’s yoke, He will give you rest.

What does the Church and Scripture have to say?

Matthew 11:28-30 – Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Ephesians 6:4 – Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:18 – With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit.

Use Your Words

Author: Beth Zanotelli, Diocese of Palm Beach Coordinator of Family Life

It seems so simple…speak with kindness to one another. Say “please”, “thank you” and “I’m sorry”. A few years ago, Pope Francis reminded families, of the importance of these words. He said:

The expressions: ‘may I’ (please)?, ‘thank you’, and ‘pardon me’ (I’m sorry). Indeed, these expressions open up the way to living well in your family, to living in peace. They are simple expressions, but not so simple to put into practice! They hold much power: the power to keep home life intact even when tested with a thousand problems. But if they are absent, little holes can start to crack open and the whole thing may even collapse.
Pope Francis, May 13, 2015 General Audience

When he spoke these simple yet profound words, he could not have foreseen the impact they could have in the year 2020. We are being tested with thousands of problems this year. How is your family doing? Is it time for a check-up? If those words are absent in your family, as Pope Francis said, “little holes can start to crack open….”

Being together with family is such a blessing. It gives us time to talk and teach our children to use their words. This is such an easy, but important life skill. We use words to form relationships; words teach us how to empathize; words help us discover similarities with each other and differences from each other. A conversation with someone can provide insight to another’s feelings and who they are as a person. Verbal communication with another person builds community and teaches proper behavior. It is improper behavior to have outbursts and fits when we want something, or we don’t like the way a situation is going. It is proper behavior to talk about what is or what is not working in a situation.

All too often, we can forget to have conversations to build and strengthen relationships with those we love the most, especially after spending so much time together in lockdown! We strengthen and build relationships by saying “please” when making a request. Part of this communication is receiving complements by responding “thank you”, and by saying “I’m sorry” to those we offend. Remember, we all make mistakes, even parents. In turn, we need to forgive someone who is sorry with the words “I forgive you”. Most important, we should listen and hear the words of others when they speak, then, we are modeling virtuous behavior. In fact, we are evangelizing to others our Catholic faith.

The next time you are tempted to lose it, try those three golden phrases from Pope Francis: “please”, “thank you”, “I’m sorry”.

Proverbs 15:4 A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

Colossians 3: 12-14 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.

2 Peter 1: 5-7 Make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, virtue with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with devotion, devotion with mutual affection, mutual affection with love.

See yourself as God sees you…

Life is a crazy, wonderful journey and so often we wish we would have known then, what we know now. On your journey do you ever take time to reflect on what your parents taught you? Right from the start, it is so important for everyone and especially for our children to know how special we all are in God’s eyes. I can remember my father telling me that God made me so special. AS IS! I didn’t have to do anything extra to gain His love, I already had it. God loves me just the way I am! As I grew older, my father also taught me to reach for the stars in everything I wanted to accomplish. (He added if you fall a little short, it’s ok because you were aiming really high) Give your kids this opportunity. Do you tell them how special they are? Not because they are doing the things you want them to do and achieving the things the world wants them to achieve, rather because God made them in His image and likeness…and He made them out of love, for love!!

As we begin this Joy of the Family blog, take a moment to look in the mirror. Look at yourself the same way God sees you and smile because He is smiling. He made you just the way you are, and He loves you just the way you are. Take time and reflect. Do you know how much God loves you? You are His beloved! You are His beloved Son or beloved Daughter! Go and tell your family, especially your children, how special they are. They don’t have to do a thing for Jesus to love them, He loves them just the way they are. We are called to share this Good News with everyone we meet, so we can be faithful disciples of Christ.

How special we are to be in this life, knowing God and knowing His infinite love. Doesn’t it make you want to know Him better? Spend time this week with God…sit in silence and just reflect on God’s creation. Open up His Word to read His messages to You. If you still can’t hear Him…try inserting your name in each of the scriptures. “See what love the Father has bestowed on _____ that he/she may be called a child of God. Yet, so You are….”

1 John 3:1 See what love the Father has bestowed on us that we may be called the children of God. Yet, so we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe!

Romans 5:8 But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.