Marriage – Page 4 – Joy of the Family

Love One Another

Author: Beth Zanotelli, Diocese of Palm Beach Coordinator of Family Life

Practice what you preach, or practice what you teach. In our world today, we are full of so much information. If we acted on it, some of that information could really make us different people, perhaps even better people. In Scripture, Jesus teaches us, actually, He commands us: “This I command you: love one another” John 15:17. This seems like a simple, practical, do-able command, and in our heads, we know it! We know it is what we must do! So how do we take it to our hearts and live this command? It is not an easy task to love one another, we really must set our own selfishness aside and appreciate each person for who God created them to be, without judgement, without trying to change them, without trying to control them. We are commanded to merely, “love one another”.

Taking knowledge to our hearts requires help! We really cannot do it alone; we need the Lord’s assistance. We need to ask Him in prayer! “Lord, please accompany us through our trials. We desire to love one another as you have commanded.” Our prayers can be simple, “Lord, help me to appreciate each person I meet today, help me to see them as You do.” “Help me to treat each person I meet with Christ-like love”.

“Love one another” sounds easy, and with God’s help, we might get a little closer to moving what we know is an important command, from our head to our heart and our actions. Pray today for the Lord to show you ways you can “love one another”, pray for the courage not to judge, change, or control. Pray to have more influence on people by showing them your love!

Here is what the scriptures have to say…

1 Peter 4:8-10 – Above all, let your love for one another be intense, because love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. As each one has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God’s varied grace.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 – Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Philippians 2:3-4 – Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves, each looking out not for his own interests, but also everyone for those of others.

John 13:34-35 – I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. This is how all will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another.

Have You Lost Your Wonder?

Recently someone reminded me of the process that occurs when we use the internet. I am neither a tech savvy person nor a tech ignorant person, I am probably somewhere in between. In my words: Internet makes the Web possible; it is a huge network of computers which communicate together, many call it an “information superhighway”. So, when we want to watch a funny cat video, or answer important questions like “what sound does a cardinal make” or “who was the lead singer of the Foundations”, you type your question, and that question enters the information superhighway. This superhighway includes a trip to space where it bounces off a satellite comes all the way back to earth and communicates with a network of computers, probably bounces off another satellite in a different part of outer space and then the information finds its way back to your computer. It is quite amazing when you think about it. Yet, as I was reminded, how many times do you get upset that your internet is too slow? Have you ever sat back and thought about the amazing process that happens each time you hit enter? I was also reminded of a time when we had to research or ask other people about our questions. Sometimes when we ask someone a question, a conversation begins and if you are fortunate this conversation will lead to a lasting friendship or a great discovery. There was a time when we looked in books or went outside to observe and listen, we talked to other people and continued to ask the questions until we found an answer. Sometimes it took a long time, but it allowed us to wonder, what is the answer? We learned how to search for knowledge and information, and we discovered amazing things.

We are living in a fast-paced world. We expect things to happen immediately, and we get upset when they do not. Many of us cannot even wait in a line anymore. We have forgotten what Wonder is! Take a moment to look around you, pause from the information superhighway and physically survey all the amazing things you come across in a day. Use your senses! God created the world, and it is filled with so much more than we take the time to see, hear, taste, touch, and smell. Have you ever been driving, when the sun is rising, and it gets in your eyes? Do you take time to stop and see the beauty of the sunrise, or do you complain about its brightness? God created that amazing light and it gives us warmth, colors, and life. The person next to you could be making you happy, sad, angry, or just sitting there. God created that person to be unique, unrepeatable! God created each of us in His divine image, male and female He created us. Embrace the thought that God loves you so much that even before you were born, he was in love with you! Embrace the beauty in your masculinity or femininity and that God created you perfect! We have been inside too long; we have been fixated on our phones and computers too often. Praise God by going outside and looking at the beauty of all creation! Thank God for each day and for all the goodness that surrounds us!

Here is what the scriptures have to say…

Luke 5:26 Then astonishment seized them all and they glorified God, and struck with awe, they said, “We have seen incredible things today.”

Psalm 96:11-12 Let the heavens be glad and the earth rejoice; let the sea and what fills it resound; let the plains be joyful and all that is in them. Then let all the trees of the forest rejoice before the Lord who comes…!

Catechism of the Catholic Church 1299 At the Sacrament of Confirmation – In the Roman Rite the bishop extends his hands over the whole group of the confirmands. Since the time of the apostles this gesture has signified the gift of the Spirit. The bishop invokes the outpouring of the Spirit in these words: All powerful God, Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, by water and the Holy Spirit you freed your sons and daughters from sin and gave them new life. Send your Holy Spirit upon them to be their help and guide. Give them the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of right judgment and courage, the spirit of knowledge and reverence. Fill them with the spirit of wonder and awe in your presence. We ask this through Christ our Lord.

Matthew 6:25-29 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your lifespan? Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wildflowers grow. They do not work or spin. But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ Or ‘What are we to wear?’ All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.

A Yoked Marriage!

In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” The word “yoke”, used many times in scripture, is a wooden beam that is fitted around oxen necks to equip and empower them to carry loads and do the work they need to do on their farm. There are two holes or spaces for each ox to put its neck and somewhere in the middle is a bar or rope for the farmer who oversees directing them to accomplish their task. Keep this image in mind as you read on…

We are not called to be perfect; we are called to be holy. How do we pass this message to our families? What does holiness look like?

The first thing to reflect on when asking these questions is how do you as husband and wife, live your faith together? The Gospel of Matthew is telling us that we are to be “yoked” with the Father. In marriage, we have the image of the husband and wife being yoked together with God as the couple’s guide. That is, the couple helps each other, and works together with the guidance of the Father. A spouse is never to manipulate or control, rather, a spouse is to be as a gift to the other. With the yoke, God gives them the graces to persevere. Together they are to be a gift to the Lord asking, how can I be loved by you, Lord? God is loving us by directing us away from harm and giving us order and especially, letting us rest. Like the relationship of the oxen and the farmer, when a man and a woman are married, they invite God into their relationship to guide them. If God is not in their relationship it can unravel into conflict and defiance. On the contrary, with Him, it can be beautiful, calm, loving, peaceful, and accepting. This is an image of marriage we need to pass on to our children, to model this love just as God has modeled for us. In our Catholic faith, marriage is a Sacramental union of a man, a woman, and God. Marriage is the foundation of the family, the domestic church.

God uses His Word like a yoke to guide us. In Ephesians 6:4, God provides us with parenting instructions: “Fathers (parents), do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord.” It is our job as parents to present knowledge, opportunities, and encounters so that our children can see the beauty that comes from life with Christ. Your children are not yoked in your marriage with you, but they are watching to see how you follow Him. Finally, but perhaps the most important advice comes from Ephesians 6:18 – “With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit.” Take time to pray with your spouse and especially with your family, in the morning offer your day to God, at meals pray a blessing over your food and your family, when you drop them off at school (virtual or in person) pray for a good day, at bedtime a prayer of thanksgiving for the trials and blessings of the day. Consider praying a rosary, once a week as a family. Look to God with awe and wonder; you may be burdened today, but taking God’s yoke, He will give you rest.

What does the Church and Scripture have to say?

Matthew 11:28-30 – Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Ephesians 6:4 – Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:18 – With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit.

The Domestic Church Versus The Perfect Family

*Author: Cathy Loh, Diocese of Palm Beach Director of Marriage, Family Life, Faith Formation, and Youth Ministry*

In Catholic forums, a lot of attention is being paid these days to the domestic church with so many of us feeling isolated in our homes for work, school and even worship during the pandemic. So, you might ask yourself “what exactly is the domestic church?” The term harkens back to the early days of Christianity when liturgical celebrations took place in the home because no official space for worship was available, especially after the early followers of Christ were expelled from the synagogues. Later, in his 1994 Letter to Families, St. John Paul II revisited the concept when he described the domestic church as “a civilization of love” (No. 13) based on the family’s vocation as the original cell of social life (Catechism of the Catholic Church–CCC 2207) and a communion of persons, a sign and image of the Trinity-Father, Son and Holy Spirit (CCC 2205).

Although this description may sound theological and intimidating, the bottom line is a family becomes a domestic church by virtue of the grace conveyed to a man and a woman as they enter the Sacrament of Marriage. This grace serves as a kind of lifeline, infused by God as the couple starts a new family when they transform their love into a decision to love in good times and bad, in sickness and health, for better or worse, until death. Lest we are tempted to envision the domestic church as a picture-perfect family, reflection on the dichotomies expressed in the vows should jolt us back to reality. Family life can be very messy at times. Since we live in a fallen world, our experience will fall short of the promise; perfection only comes in heaven.

In the meantime, we are called to live out our vocation as best we can while keeping in mind that family is a public vocation. The requirement for witnesses to the marriage vows point to the public and prophetic nature of the vocation of the domestic church. The family is meant to be the place where we learn how to love God and others and bring that love into our community. We are called to witness Christ’s love to the world and what it means to be a Christian family. We should not allow the fairy tale ideal to intimidate us because the real witness is given in our response to the annoyances, disappointments or worse, not in a storybook version of the truth. We authentically witness our vocation when we respond to the inevitable challenges with love, mercy, justice, and forgiveness… not an easy task but one we are called to learn in the domestic church, assisted by God’s grace. Remember, in the messiness of family life, our true witness to our vocation as the domestic church is expressed in how we respond to daily challenges versus presenting a false, idyllic version of family life.

Here is what the Church and Scripture have to say…

Catechism of the Catholic Church – CCC 204 The Christian family constitutes a specific revelation and realization of ecclesial communion, and for this reason it can and should be called a domestic church. It is a community of faith, hope, charity; it assumes singular importance in the Church, as is evident in the New Testament.

Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.