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A Yoked Marriage!

Author: Beth Zanotelli, Diocese of Palm Beach Coordinator of Family Life

In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  The word “yoke”, used many times in scripture, is a wooden beam that is fitted around oxen necks to equip and empower them to carry loads and do the work they need to do on their farm.  There are two holes or spaces for each ox to put its neck and somewhere in the middle is a bar or rope for the farmer who oversees directing them to accomplish their task.  Keep this image in mind as you read on…

We are not called to be perfect; we are called to be holy.  How do we pass this message to our families? What does holiness look like?

The first thing to reflect on when asking these questions is how do you as husband and wife, live your faith together?  The Gospel of Matthew is telling us that we are to be “yoked” with the Father.  In marriage, we have the image of the husband and wife being yoked together with God as the couple’s guide. That is, the couple helps each other, and works together with the guidance of the Father.  A spouse is never to manipulate or control, rather, a spouse is to be as a gift to the other. With the yoke, God gives them the graces to persevere. Together they are to be a gift to the Lord asking, how can I be loved by you, Lord?  God is loving us by directing us away from harm and giving us order and especially, letting us rest.  Like the relationship of the oxen and the farmer, when a man and a woman are married, they invite God into their relationship to guide them.  If God is not in their relationship it can unravel into conflict and defiance. On the contrary, with Him, it can be beautiful, calm, loving, peaceful, and accepting.  This is an image of marriage we need to pass on to our children, to model this love just as God has modeled for us.  In our Catholic faith, marriage is a Sacramental union of a man, a woman, and God.   Marriage is the foundation of the family, the domestic church.

God uses His Word like a yoke to guide us.  In Ephesians 6:4, God provides us with parenting instructions: “Fathers (parents), do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord.” It is our job as parents to present knowledge, opportunities, and encounters so that our children can see the beauty that comes from life with Christ.  Your children are not yoked in your marriage with you, but they are watching to see how you follow Him.  Finally, but perhaps the most important advice comes from Ephesians 6:18 – “With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit.”  Take time to pray with your spouse and especially with your family, in the morning offer your day to God, at meals pray a blessing over your food and your family, when you drop them off at school  (virtual or in person) pray for a good day, at bedtime a prayer of thanksgiving for the trials and blessings of the day.  Consider praying a rosary, once a week as a family. Look to God with awe and wonder; you may be burdened today, but taking God’s yoke, He will give you rest.

What does the Church and Scripture have to say?

Matthew 11:28-30 – Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Ephesians 6:4 – Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:18 – With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit. 

The Domestic Church Versus The Perfect Family

Author: Cathy Loh, Diocese of Palm Beach Director of Marriage, Family Life, Faith Formation, and Youth Ministry

In Catholic forums, a lot of attention is being paid these days to the domestic church with so many of us feeling isolated in our homes for work, school and even worship during the pandemic. So, you might ask yourself “what exactly is the domestic church?” The term harkens back to the early days of Christianity when liturgical celebrations took place in the home because no official space for worship was available, especially after the early followers of Christ were expelled from the synagogues. Later, in his 1994 Letter to Families, St. John Paul II revisited the concept when he described the domestic church as “a civilization of love” (No. 13) based on the family’s vocation as the original cell of social life (Catechism of the Catholic Church–CCC 2207) and a communion of persons, a sign and image of the Trinity-Father, Son and Holy Spirit (CCC 2205).

Although this description may sound theological and intimidating, the bottom line is a family becomes a domestic church by virtue of the grace conveyed to a man and a woman as they enter the Sacrament of Marriage. This grace serves as a kind of lifeline, infused by God as the couple starts a new family when they transform their love into a decision to love in good times and bad, in sickness and health, for better or worse, until death. Lest we are tempted to envision the domestic church as a picture-perfect family, reflection on the dichotomies expressed in the vows should jolt us back to reality. Family life can be very messy at times. Since we live in a fallen world, our experience will fall short of the promise; perfection only comes in heaven.

In the meantime, we are called to live out our vocation as best we can while keeping in mind that family is a public vocation. The requirement for witnesses to the marriage vows point to the public and prophetic nature of the vocation of the domestic church. The family is meant to be the place where we learn how to love God and others and bring that love into our community. We are called to witness Christ’s love to the world and what it means to be a Christian family. We should not allow the fairy tale ideal to intimidate us because the real witness is given in our response to the annoyances, disappointments or worse, not in a storybook version of the truth. We authentically witness our vocation when we respond to the inevitable challenges with love, mercy, justice, and forgiveness… not an easy task but one we are called to learn in the domestic church, assisted by God’s grace. Remember, in the messiness of family life, our true witness to our vocation as the domestic church is expressed in how we respond to daily challenges versus presenting a false, idyllic version of family life.

Here is what the Church and Scripture have to say…

Catechism of the Catholic Church – CCC 204 The Christian family constitutes a specific revelation and realization of ecclesial communion, and for this reason it can and should be called a domestic church. It is a community of faith, hope, charity; it assumes singular importance in the Church, as is evident in the New Testament.

Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Use Your Words

Author: Beth Zanotelli, Diocese of Palm Beach Coordinator of Family Life

It seems so simple…speak with kindness to one another.  Say “please”, “thank you” and “I’m sorry”.  A few years ago, Pope Francis reminded families, of the importance of these words.  He said:

The expressions: ‘may I’ (please)?, ‘thank you’, and ‘pardon me’ (I’m sorry). Indeed, these expressions open up the way to living well in your family, to living in peace. They are simple expressions, but not so simple to put into practice! They hold much power: the power to keep home life intact even when tested with a thousand problems. But if they are absent, little holes can start to crack open and the whole thing may even collapse.

Pope Francis, May 13, 2015 General Audience

When he spoke these simple yet profound words, he could not have foreseen the impact they could have in the year 2020.  We are being tested with thousands of problems this year.  How is your family doing?  Is it time for a check-up? If those words are absent in your family, as Pope Francis said, “little holes can start to crack open….”

Being together with family is such a blessing.  It gives us time to talk and teach our children to use their words. This is such an easy, but important life skill.  We use words to form relationships; words teach us how to empathize; words help us discover similarities with each other and differences from each other.  A conversation with someone can provide insight to another’s feelings and who they are as a person.  Verbal communication with another person builds community and teaches proper behavior. It is improper behavior to have outbursts and fits when we want something, or we don’t like the way a situation is going. It is proper behavior to talk about what is or what is not working in a situation.

All too often, we can forget to have conversations to build and strengthen relationships with those we love the most, especially after spending so much time together in lockdown! We strengthen and build relationships by saying “please” when making a request.  Part of this communication is receiving complements by responding “thank you”, and by saying “I’m sorry” to those we offend. Remember, we all make mistakes, even parents.  In turn, we need to forgive someone who is sorry with the words “I forgive you”.  Most important, we should listen and hear the words of others when they speak, then, we are modeling virtuous behavior.  In fact, we are evangelizing to others our Catholic faith.

The next time you are tempted to lose it, try those three golden phrases from Pope Francis: “please”, “thank you”, “I’m sorry”.

Proverbs 15:4 A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

Colossians 3: 12-14 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.

2 Peter 1: 5-7 Make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, virtue with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with devotion, devotion with mutual affection, mutual affection with love.

See yourself as God sees you…

Author: Beth Zanotelli, Diocese of Palm Beach Coordinator of Family Life

Life is a crazy, wonderful journey and so often we wish we would have known then,  what we know now.  On your journey do you ever take time to reflect on what your parents taught you?  Right from the start, it is so important for everyone and especially for our children to know how special we all are in God’s eyes.  I can remember my father telling me that God made me so special. AS IS! I didn’t have to do anything extra to gain His love, I already had it.  God loves me just the way I am!  As I grew older, my father also taught me to reach for the stars in everything I wanted to accomplish. (He added if you fall a little short, it’s ok because you were aiming really high) Give your kids this opportunity.  Do you tell them how special they are?  Not because they are doing the things you want them to do and achieving the things the world wants them to achieve, rather because God made them in His image and likeness…and He made them out of love, for love!!

As we begin this Joy of the Family blog, take a moment to look in the mirror.  Look at yourself the same way God sees you and smile because He is smiling.  He made you just the way you are, and He loves you just the way you are.  Take time and reflect. Do you know how much God loves you?  You are His beloved! You are His beloved Son or beloved Daughter! Go and tell your family, especially your children, how special they are.  They don’t have to do a thing for Jesus to love them, He loves them just the way they are. We are called to share this Good News with everyone we meet, so we can be faithful disciples of Christ.  

How special we are to be in this life, knowing God and knowing His infinite love.  Doesn’t it make you want to know Him better?  Spend time this week with God…sit in silence and just reflect on God’s creation. Open up His Word to read His messages to You.  If you still can’t hear Him…try inserting your name in each of the scriptures.  “See what love the Father has bestowed on _____ that he/she may be called a child of God.  Yet, so You are….”

1 John 3:1 See what love the Father has bestowed on us that we may be called the children of God.  Yet, so we are.  The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe!

Romans 5:8 But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.