Family Life – Page 5 – Joy of the Family

Love One Another

Author: Beth Zanotelli, Diocese of Palm Beach Coordinator of Family Life

Practice what you preach, or practice what you teach. In our world today, we are full of so much information. If we acted on it, some of that information could really make us different people, perhaps even better people. In Scripture, Jesus teaches us, actually, He commands us: “This I command you: love one another” John 15:17. This seems like a simple, practical, do-able command, and in our heads, we know it! We know it is what we must do! So how do we take it to our hearts and live this command? It is not an easy task to love one another, we really must set our own selfishness aside and appreciate each person for who God created them to be, without judgement, without trying to change them, without trying to control them. We are commanded to merely, “love one another”.

Taking knowledge to our hearts requires help! We really cannot do it alone; we need the Lord’s assistance. We need to ask Him in prayer! “Lord, please accompany us through our trials. We desire to love one another as you have commanded.” Our prayers can be simple, “Lord, help me to appreciate each person I meet today, help me to see them as You do.” “Help me to treat each person I meet with Christ-like love”.

“Love one another” sounds easy, and with God’s help, we might get a little closer to moving what we know is an important command, from our head to our heart and our actions. Pray today for the Lord to show you ways you can “love one another”, pray for the courage not to judge, change, or control. Pray to have more influence on people by showing them your love!

Here is what the scriptures have to say…

1 Peter 4:8-10 – Above all, let your love for one another be intense, because love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. As each one has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God’s varied grace.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 – Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Philippians 2:3-4 – Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves, each looking out not for his own interests, but also everyone for those of others.

John 13:34-35 – I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. This is how all will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another.

Let’s not give up on each other…

By Cathy Loh
Diocese of Palm Beach Director of Marriage, Family Life, Faith Formation and Youth Ministry

“It is not good for the man to be alone…” declared God in the Garden of Eden after he created Adam, the first man (Genesis 2:18). Why is this important? Because we are made for relationship, for friendship. We are made in the image and likeness of God who is a community, a trinity, three persons in one God. So, being made in God’s image means that we are made for relationship, with God and with each other.

Our innate need for relationship is why the isolation experienced during this past year of COVID-19 lockdowns, social distancing and masks has been harmful to so many. It is well documented that babies need regular physical touch for normal cognitive development and to learn to relate socially. It is not only newborns who need touch to thrive, adults also need contact for their physical and emotional wellbeing. Imagine the toll on the elderly and the sick, who have had to face so many days separated from loved ones, deprived of a hug or kiss or reassuring pat on the arm. Not to mention the impact on the spouses, children, or other relatives of those isolated from them. While technology can be a blessing and enable us to “see” our loved ones, it is a poor substitute for physical presence. Sometimes this virtual connection is not even possible.

Another experience of isolation or deprivation comes in the form of faces hidden behind masks. My heart aches for the little ones, toddlers, children who may not be deprived of physical touch, but are deprived of a smile or other facial expressions blocked by masks. What impact will these masks have on children’s social interactions and their ability to interpret facial expressions in the future? Time will tell.

While we navigate this uncharted territory of a worldwide pandemic, we need to consider the unintended but natural and not surprising consequences of our actions. We must prudently balance protection in the present with protection for a future. We must remember that God created us for relationship, for community. To deprive the healthy, let alone the young, frail, sick or elderly, of contact with their loved ones, is to deny our innate need for community and risk our spiritual and emotional wellbeing.

As we enter into this penitential season of Lent, let us remember how much we have already given up this past year. Let us consider our loved ones and how we might reach out to offer them consolation and fellowship. Let us consider how to prudently balance the spiritual and emotional needs of those we love with their physical safety needs. Let us not overlook our own need for connection and community. To continue to emphasize one need at the expense of the other may mean we are resting in a false sense of security rather than prayerfully trusting in the God who made us in His image for community.

Here is what the scriptures have to say…

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 Where a lone man can be overcome, two together can resist. A three-ply cord is not easily broken.

Matthew 18:20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.

Have You Lost Your Wonder?

Recently someone reminded me of the process that occurs when we use the internet. I am neither a tech savvy person nor a tech ignorant person, I am probably somewhere in between. In my words: Internet makes the Web possible; it is a huge network of computers which communicate together, many call it an “information superhighway”. So, when we want to watch a funny cat video, or answer important questions like “what sound does a cardinal make” or “who was the lead singer of the Foundations”, you type your question, and that question enters the information superhighway. This superhighway includes a trip to space where it bounces off a satellite comes all the way back to earth and communicates with a network of computers, probably bounces off another satellite in a different part of outer space and then the information finds its way back to your computer. It is quite amazing when you think about it. Yet, as I was reminded, how many times do you get upset that your internet is too slow? Have you ever sat back and thought about the amazing process that happens each time you hit enter? I was also reminded of a time when we had to research or ask other people about our questions. Sometimes when we ask someone a question, a conversation begins and if you are fortunate this conversation will lead to a lasting friendship or a great discovery. There was a time when we looked in books or went outside to observe and listen, we talked to other people and continued to ask the questions until we found an answer. Sometimes it took a long time, but it allowed us to wonder, what is the answer? We learned how to search for knowledge and information, and we discovered amazing things.

We are living in a fast-paced world. We expect things to happen immediately, and we get upset when they do not. Many of us cannot even wait in a line anymore. We have forgotten what Wonder is! Take a moment to look around you, pause from the information superhighway and physically survey all the amazing things you come across in a day. Use your senses! God created the world, and it is filled with so much more than we take the time to see, hear, taste, touch, and smell. Have you ever been driving, when the sun is rising, and it gets in your eyes? Do you take time to stop and see the beauty of the sunrise, or do you complain about its brightness? God created that amazing light and it gives us warmth, colors, and life. The person next to you could be making you happy, sad, angry, or just sitting there. God created that person to be unique, unrepeatable! God created each of us in His divine image, male and female He created us. Embrace the thought that God loves you so much that even before you were born, he was in love with you! Embrace the beauty in your masculinity or femininity and that God created you perfect! We have been inside too long; we have been fixated on our phones and computers too often. Praise God by going outside and looking at the beauty of all creation! Thank God for each day and for all the goodness that surrounds us!

Here is what the scriptures have to say…

Luke 5:26 Then astonishment seized them all and they glorified God, and struck with awe, they said, “We have seen incredible things today.”

Psalm 96:11-12 Let the heavens be glad and the earth rejoice; let the sea and what fills it resound; let the plains be joyful and all that is in them. Then let all the trees of the forest rejoice before the Lord who comes…!

Catechism of the Catholic Church 1299 At the Sacrament of Confirmation – In the Roman Rite the bishop extends his hands over the whole group of the confirmands. Since the time of the apostles this gesture has signified the gift of the Spirit. The bishop invokes the outpouring of the Spirit in these words: All powerful God, Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, by water and the Holy Spirit you freed your sons and daughters from sin and gave them new life. Send your Holy Spirit upon them to be their help and guide. Give them the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of right judgment and courage, the spirit of knowledge and reverence. Fill them with the spirit of wonder and awe in your presence. We ask this through Christ our Lord.

Matthew 6:25-29 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your lifespan? Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wildflowers grow. They do not work or spin. But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ Or ‘What are we to wear?’ All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.

Offer It Up!

These days the phrase “offer it up” refers to selling something online. You can sell or buy almost anything. You can replace things that are not even worn in or worn out yet. Perhaps in 2021…you could give that phrase an entirely new meaning. It could potentially be the beginning of the best New Year’s resolution, one that leads you closer to an encounter with Christ; one that leads closer to eternity; to holiness; to heaven.

In this New Year, consider surrendering everything to the Lord. Offer up your life for God’s Glory. Allow Him to form you and mold you and walk beside you. Allow Him to hold every thought, and action, offer them up! Surrender all your pain and suffering, all your joy and happiness. Offer up your family and all your relationships, relationships with people you love and get along with and relationships with people who annoy you and you struggle to be nearby. You could offer time: the year 2021, the month of January, this day. Pray, “Lord, I give you this year, the good, the bad, the ugly that will happen. I offer it up to you to do with it as you desire. Please use me, as your hands, your feet, your eyes, your ears, and your mouth. Help me to conform to your will, not mine or the world’s. Open my lips, Lord and my mouth shall declare your praise. Walk with me, and I will give it all to you!”

You could offer up your employment, or your lack of employment to Him…. give it to him to deal with however he chooses. “Lord, please stand with me in my work (or my search for work) today. Use me as your instrument as I provide for myself and my family this day. Lord, help me to reflect You in everything I do.”

Offer up your health, good or bad. Give it to Him to deal with. Allow the Lord to be in control, surrender to him your fears and anxieties. Remember the absence of fear is FAITH! Ask Him to be Lord over all your life…resolve to radically trust the Lord in 2021!

Here is what the Scriptures have to say…..

Luke 12: 25-28 Can any of you by worrying add a moment to your lifespan? If even the smallest things are beyond your control, why are you anxious about the rest? Notice how the flowers grow. They do not toil or spin.

Psalm 131: 1-3 Lord, my heart is not proud; nor are my eyes haughty. I do not busy myself with great matters, with things too sublime for me. Rather, I have stilled my soul, hushed it like a weaned child. Like a weaned child on its mother’s lap, so is my soul within me. Israel, hope in the Lord, now and forever.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not; In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths.

The Domestic Church and Prayer

*Author: Cathy Loh, Diocese of Palm Beach Director of Marriage, Family Life, Faith Formation and Youth Ministry*

The Church teaches that the family is a privileged community and the original cell of social life (Catechism of the Catholic Church 2204, 2207) where we should learn how to love God and one another. The family is our initiation “into life in society” (CCC 2207) including our relationship with the Lord. In our family, we learn how to pray and nourish a loving relationship with God. We learn that we need to be humble before Him, as humility is the foundation of prayer (CCC 2558). That is why Jesus tells us in Luke 18:17 that only those who receive the kingdom of God like a child shall enter it.

However, as we grow older and our lives become more complicated, humility can get lost along the way. We may forget to ask God for help, thinking that everything depends on us. Conversely, our prayers can become more complicated and involved, filled with many petitions. In our busyness, we can forget to quiet ourselves so we can hear God and then respond. How can we recover the humility that is so foundational to our prayer life with God?

A simple way to return to that foundational humility is to observe or experience prayer with our children. We can rediscover the power of a child’s simple prayer, filled with wonder, awe and thanksgiving. Children often surprise us with periodic moments of silence. In these times of recollection, we discover our child’s ability to be content in the moment, resting in thoughts about God or a religious picture or a sacramental like a crucifix. Our children can remind us of our own simpler and humble prayers of the past.

But how will a child learn to pray if we do not lead the way? Creating a habit of prayer in the family must begin with us as the parents. We are the first witnesses to prayer and nurturing a relationship with God, our Father. A simple place to start is those moments where we routinely gather with our children, at mealtime and bedtime. We model patience and gratitude by offering Grace before enjoying our meal. We teach gratitude and humility by thanking God for all our blessings of each day before going to sleep. By tracing a small cross on our child’s forehead, we are reminded of our baptism into God’s family before we say goodnight or goodbye. Setting aside quiet time can become a catalyst for recollection and prayer. When we make a point of showing our children how to nourish their relationship with God through prayer, that effort may one day return to bless us in our own prayer life by reminding us of the beautiful simplicity and humility of a child’s prayer.

Here is what the Church and Scripture have to say…

Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church 350 The Christian family is called the domestic church because the family manifests and lives out the communal and familial nature of the Church as the family of God. Each family member, in accord with their own role, exercises the baptismal priesthood and contributes toward making the family a community of grace and of prayer, a school of human and Christian virtue and the place where the faith is first proclaimed to children.

Deuteronomy 4:4-7a Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words which I command you this day shall be upon your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your children.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Matthew 19:20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

A Yoked Marriage!

In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” The word “yoke”, used many times in scripture, is a wooden beam that is fitted around oxen necks to equip and empower them to carry loads and do the work they need to do on their farm. There are two holes or spaces for each ox to put its neck and somewhere in the middle is a bar or rope for the farmer who oversees directing them to accomplish their task. Keep this image in mind as you read on…

We are not called to be perfect; we are called to be holy. How do we pass this message to our families? What does holiness look like?

The first thing to reflect on when asking these questions is how do you as husband and wife, live your faith together? The Gospel of Matthew is telling us that we are to be “yoked” with the Father. In marriage, we have the image of the husband and wife being yoked together with God as the couple’s guide. That is, the couple helps each other, and works together with the guidance of the Father. A spouse is never to manipulate or control, rather, a spouse is to be as a gift to the other. With the yoke, God gives them the graces to persevere. Together they are to be a gift to the Lord asking, how can I be loved by you, Lord? God is loving us by directing us away from harm and giving us order and especially, letting us rest. Like the relationship of the oxen and the farmer, when a man and a woman are married, they invite God into their relationship to guide them. If God is not in their relationship it can unravel into conflict and defiance. On the contrary, with Him, it can be beautiful, calm, loving, peaceful, and accepting. This is an image of marriage we need to pass on to our children, to model this love just as God has modeled for us. In our Catholic faith, marriage is a Sacramental union of a man, a woman, and God. Marriage is the foundation of the family, the domestic church.

God uses His Word like a yoke to guide us. In Ephesians 6:4, God provides us with parenting instructions: “Fathers (parents), do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord.” It is our job as parents to present knowledge, opportunities, and encounters so that our children can see the beauty that comes from life with Christ. Your children are not yoked in your marriage with you, but they are watching to see how you follow Him. Finally, but perhaps the most important advice comes from Ephesians 6:18 – “With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit.” Take time to pray with your spouse and especially with your family, in the morning offer your day to God, at meals pray a blessing over your food and your family, when you drop them off at school (virtual or in person) pray for a good day, at bedtime a prayer of thanksgiving for the trials and blessings of the day. Consider praying a rosary, once a week as a family. Look to God with awe and wonder; you may be burdened today, but taking God’s yoke, He will give you rest.

What does the Church and Scripture have to say?

Matthew 11:28-30 – Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Ephesians 6:4 – Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:18 – With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit.

The Domestic Church Versus The Perfect Family

In Catholic forums, a lot of attention is being paid these days to the domestic church with so many of us feeling isolated in our homes for work, school and even worship during the pandemic. So, you might ask yourself “what exactly is the domestic church?” The term harkens back to the early days of Christianity when liturgical celebrations took place in the home because no official space for worship was available, especially after the early followers of Christ were expelled from the synagogues. Later, in his 1994 Letter to Families, St. John Paul II revisited the concept when he described the domestic church as “a civilization of love” (No. 13) based on the family’s vocation as the original cell of social life (Catechism of the Catholic Church–CCC 2207) and a communion of persons, a sign and image of the Trinity-Father, Son and Holy Spirit (CCC 2205).

Although this description may sound theological and intimidating, the bottom line is a family becomes a domestic church by virtue of the grace conveyed to a man and a woman as they enter the Sacrament of Marriage. This grace serves as a kind of lifeline, infused by God as the couple starts a new family when they transform their love into a decision to love in good times and bad, in sickness and health, for better or worse, until death. Lest we are tempted to envision the domestic church as a picture-perfect family, reflection on the dichotomies expressed in the vows should jolt us back to reality. Family life can be very messy at times. Since we live in a fallen world, our experience will fall short of the promise; perfection only comes in heaven.

In the meantime, we are called to live out our vocation as best we can while keeping in mind that family is a public vocation. The requirement for witnesses to the marriage vows point to the public and prophetic nature of the vocation of the domestic church. The family is meant to be the place where we learn how to love God and others and bring that love into our community. We are called to witness Christ’s love to the world and what it means to be a Christian family. We should not allow the fairy tale ideal to intimidate us because the real witness is given in our response to the annoyances, disappointments or worse, not in a storybook version of the truth. We authentically witness our vocation when we respond to the inevitable challenges with love, mercy, justice, and forgiveness… not an easy task but one we are called to learn in the domestic church, assisted by God’s grace. Remember, in the messiness of family life, our true witness to our vocation as the domestic church is expressed in how we respond to daily challenges versus presenting a false, idyllic version of family life.

Here is what the Church and Scripture have to say…

Catechism of the Catholic Church – CCC 204 The Christian family constitutes a specific revelation and realization of ecclesial communion, and for this reason it can and should be called a domestic church. It is a community of faith, hope, charity; it assumes singular importance in the Church, as is evident in the New Testament.

Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Use Your Words

Author: Beth Zanotelli, Diocese of Palm Beach Coordinator of Family Life

It seems so simple…speak with kindness to one another. Say “please”, “thank you” and “I’m sorry”. A few years ago, Pope Francis reminded families, of the importance of these words. He said:

The expressions: ‘may I’ (please)?, ‘thank you’, and ‘pardon me’ (I’m sorry). Indeed, these expressions open up the way to living well in your family, to living in peace. They are simple expressions, but not so simple to put into practice! They hold much power: the power to keep home life intact even when tested with a thousand problems. But if they are absent, little holes can start to crack open and the whole thing may even collapse.
Pope Francis, May 13, 2015 General Audience

When he spoke these simple yet profound words, he could not have foreseen the impact they could have in the year 2020. We are being tested with thousands of problems this year. How is your family doing? Is it time for a check-up? If those words are absent in your family, as Pope Francis said, “little holes can start to crack open….”

Being together with family is such a blessing. It gives us time to talk and teach our children to use their words. This is such an easy, but important life skill. We use words to form relationships; words teach us how to empathize; words help us discover similarities with each other and differences from each other. A conversation with someone can provide insight to another’s feelings and who they are as a person. Verbal communication with another person builds community and teaches proper behavior. It is improper behavior to have outbursts and fits when we want something, or we don’t like the way a situation is going. It is proper behavior to talk about what is or what is not working in a situation.

All too often, we can forget to have conversations to build and strengthen relationships with those we love the most, especially after spending so much time together in lockdown! We strengthen and build relationships by saying “please” when making a request. Part of this communication is receiving complements by responding “thank you”, and by saying “I’m sorry” to those we offend. Remember, we all make mistakes, even parents. In turn, we need to forgive someone who is sorry with the words “I forgive you”. Most important, we should listen and hear the words of others when they speak, then, we are modeling virtuous behavior. In fact, we are evangelizing to others our Catholic faith.

The next time you are tempted to lose it, try those three golden phrases from Pope Francis: “please”, “thank you”, “I’m sorry”.

Proverbs 15:4 A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

Colossians 3: 12-14 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.

2 Peter 1: 5-7 Make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, virtue with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with devotion, devotion with mutual affection, mutual affection with love.