Quality Time

Author: Beth Zanotelli, Family Life Coordinator for the Diocese of Palm Beach

What does it mean to spend quality time together? How often do we make another person the focus of our time?  How difficult is it to remove all distractions during a conversation?  How long can we stay focused when talking with someone or praying?  Many of us can only make it, at most, a few minutes without distraction.  Maybe our phone makes a sound, or someone walks into the room and sidetracks our thoughts or conversation.   Whether with God, our spouse, our children, a family member, or a friend, spending quality time with someone is one of the best ways to show you care about them.  Time well spent is a great way to have a positive impact on someone as well as build and strengthen relationships. 

St. John Paul II and Mother Teresa of Calcutta are great examples of people who knew how to listen.  In his book, I Served a Saint: Reflections of a Swiss Guard, Mario Enzler relates this to his readers: 

“Somebody once asked me “What is it to be a saint?” And I always say, “Well, I spent a lot of time with him (St. John Paul II) and a lot of time with Mother Teresa, and the two of them had something in common, which was when they were talking to me, they were focused entirely and solely on me.” A saint focuses on one person at a time. How many times we talk to people and we’re thinking about a million other things or we’re looking at things around the person or whatever. But with His Holiness, I always had the feeling that I was the center, and his attention was on me.”

(Enzler, Mario. I Served a Saint: Reflections of a Swiss Guard in Honor of the Centenary of the Birth of St. John Paul II. Newman House Press, 2020.)

When we actively and consciously listen to another person we show them they are important, valued, and loved.  In St. Paul’s letter to the Colossians 4:5, he instructs us, “Conduct yourselves wisely toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity.  Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you know how you should respond to each one.”  We should look for ways to “conduct ourselves wisely.”  We can show interest in the other person by making eye contact and noticing their body language because it reinforces and adds meaning to our words.  It also helps with the flow of the conversation and clarifies our message.

Another great way to improve quality time, especially with children, is to ask open-ended questions.  These are questions that require an answer of more than “yes” or “no”.  Ask open-ended questions like: “What was the best part of your day?” or “What did you do to help someone today?”  Give everyone in the conversation a chance to answer the same question. 

Spending quality time is a way for others to receive your love.  When you know that someone is actively listening and sacrificing time for you, this is when you know they care.  In Galatians 6:10, St. Paul tells us, “While we have the opportunity, let us do good to all, but especially to those who belong to the family of the faith.” Take time to go beyond simply just hearing the words another person speaks.  Paying attention to someone, listening to understand, being attentive, and encouraging one another is what we are each called to do.  When we are attentive to another we are loving as God calls us to love. This summer, make it a priority to spend quality time with God, your spouse, your family, and your friends.  Practice focusing on the conversation and not the distractions.

Here’s what Scripture has to say:

Luke 1:39-56 – During those days Mary set out and traveled to the hill country in haste to a town of Judah, where she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth.  When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the infant leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth, filled with the holy Spirit, cried out in a loud voice and said, “Most blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb.  And how does this happen to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me?  For at the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the infant in my womb leaped for joy.  Blessed are you who believed that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled.”

Psalm 116:1 – I love the Lord, who listened to my voice in supplication, who turned an ear to me on the day I called.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 – Love is patient, love is kind.  It is not jealous; love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.  It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Psalm 133:1 – How good it is, how pleasant where the people dwell as one!